Mabel

Going to Oklahoma City

The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord:… for the Lord  holds him with his hand. Psalms 37:23-25

"I can do all things through Christ who strengtheneth me," Mabel said to herself as she stepped into the train bound for Oklahoma City. Tucked in her secret pocket were the few cents that remained of her saving after paying for her ticket. In her hand she held the most recent letter from Papa? Heavy fog shut out the raising spring sun, as she waved to Wallace and Estella.

         Mabel was 16 and had never traveled alone. She wanted Estella to come with her. However, Estella had no money, also she was in love with Wallace and didn’t want to leave him. Mabel had the feeling it might be the last time she would see Estella, she wondered if Estella was thinking it might be the last time she saw Mabel. She drove away the dark thought by telling herself, that Estella will be happy with Wallace and she will be happy with Papa. The thought of seeing Papa made her giggle. The lady sitting beside her in the train looked over in surprise. Mabel pretended to not notice. She did not want to talk she wanted to dream of the happiness that lie ahead.

         Mabel looked out the train station window in Hobart. She imaged the surprised look on Papa’s face when he would see her. The excitement tingled through her, down to her littlest toe and yet a gloom hung over her head. What if she never saw Estella again or if she did not find Papa? Where would she stay? What would she eat? Mabel pondered these thoughts as she waited for the next train that would take her toward Oklahoma City from where Papa had mailed his last letter to her. She encouraged herself by repeating her favorite verse. “I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.”

         As the train entered Oklahoma City, Mabel began reading the street names. She was hunting for 12^th Street. She had never seen so many streets or such large buildings. These must be real skyscrapers, she thought. To Mabel the four-story hospital in Mangum reached almost to the sky but it seemed small now. A large sign on top of a very tall building read, Colcord. It surely must be a hotel, she thought. Maybe I could get a job there. Such a fine hotel would pay good wages and I could rent a little house for Papa and me.

         In the big station, Mabel watched people scurrying this way and that. “I think half the world must be here today. I wondered where each one is going and if any one might be going to see their papa they hadn't seen in four years?”  She mumbled to herself. She wanted to ask someone where to find 12th St but each one seemed so busy. Even the ticket agents were busy selling tickets and answering questions.

         Before she had summoned courage to ask questions, she noticed an advertisement on the wall. It read Lee Huskins Hotel, Oklahoma City, 450 rooms, fire proof. Mabel caught her breath. Four hundred and fifty rooms? They must need many girls to clean all those rooms. After looking around a few minutes longer, she found a large city map on the south wall of the station and studied it. "There is the street where my papa lives!" she said to herself, her heart beat wildly. She stepped out of the station and looked around. There was the Lee Huskins Hotel towering over other building. It was just one block from the train station. She wanted to remember so she could come back and get a job.

         The street was full of cars, more cars than she had seen in her whole life. In the middle of the street going north and south were train tracts. People were getting off a little one car train while, others were scurrying on to the little train. Overhead was a long wire that connected to what looked like an electric wire. “Was electric pulling the train carrying all those people up the hill?” she wondered.

         Mabel stuck her head in the door of the little train, “Does this train go to 12^th Street,” she asked the driver.

         “Yes, Madam” he answered. Mabel jumped on and pulled her box up the steps and sat down behind the driver. ”This isn’t a train. It’s an electric trolley,” the driver told her. Most people call them streetcars. Oklahoma City has 68 miles of these tracts. We can carry people to almost any part of the city. You new in town?

         “Yes, why do you ask?”

         “New folks are arriving every day, a big hunk of ‘um looking for work in the new Model A factory or the meat packing houses. There’res been three companies open up meat packing houses here in the city. Together they represent 3.5 million dollars, and they have given our city 2,400 new jobs. Why the whole part of the city over there is called Packing Town because of those packing houses.” He threw his hand over his head and pointed southwest.

         Mabel made a mental note, Packing Town, another place to find a job. “This must be a very large city,” Mabel remarked.

         “Sure thing, it’s the fastest growun city in Oklahoma, maybe in the whole world. We’re only about 25 years old and boasting a population of 90,000 and like I said new folks are coming in everyday.”

         Mabel gasped, ninety thousand people, where would Papa be among so many?

         Mable had never ridden an electric trolley. It went so fast that her head was in a whirl trying to see the buildings as they passed.

         Before leaving the streetcar, she showed the driver her Papa’s address and asked which way to go. She was soon on the right street. Walking slowly along, she read the numbers on the few house that had numbers. She was going the right direction, soon she would find a number like the one on her papa's letter which she held tightly in her hand.

         “There it is, right in front of me!” me she gasped. Trembling with excitement, she knocked at the door. A woman opened it. "Does Simon Kelly live here?" Mabel asked.     

         "No, he doesn't," the woman answered. "He was living here, but he moved last week. He said something about getting a place so he could do his, own cooking. I only rent out sleeping rooms."

          Mable trembled. She felt dizzy. “You all right?” the woman ask.

         Yes,” she mumbled as she fought back tears.

         “You look like you just seen a ghost.”

         When Mable could finally speak, she said slowly, "Do you know where he moved? I've come a long way to see him. He-he's my-my papa."

         The woman saw Mabel needed help. “Say, Alfonzo,” she yelled, “Do you know where Mr. Kelley might be living?” Then she gave Mabel directions as to where she might find her papa.

         As Mabel walked along following the woman's directions, she quoted the Bible verse. “'I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.'” On and on she went carrying her box that contained all her belongings. She was thankful for the handle, which Wallace had made when he tied it securely with new rope. 

         Finally, she found the house. "Does Simon Kelly live here?" she asked.    

         "Who did you say?'' asked the lady at the door.

         "Simon Pleasant Andrew Kelly?

         "No, he doesn't live here. Never did. He might be the man who came asking about an apartment last week. But he never came back. There are more apartments at the end of this street. Maybe you'll find him there."

         Mabel walked on the direction the lady had pointed. She was tired and her box seemed to be growing heavier every step. She’d left Mangum early but had a wait over in Hobart and changed trains again in Chickasha. She walked passed a restaurant and the aroma of food in the air smelled delicious, but the lonely ach in her stomach was worst than hunger, besides she might need her money later. "Oh, Papa," she cried to herself, “Where are you? I've come such a long way."

         The manager of the apartment at the end of the street knew nothing about a big man named Simon Kelly.

         "God, help me," Mabel prayed as she walked slowly away. “In an hour it will be dark, and I have no money for a hotel. I don't know anyone in this big city. Please, Lord, help me find a place to get in out of the darkness?"

         The train station! I'll sit unnoticed on a bench through the night, she thought. Mable was completely lost after going to all the different apartment houses. Now where was the train station? The electric train did not run on the street she was on, so asking first this stranger and that she finally found her way back to the station. Dropping her heavy box beside her aching feet, she slumped onto a bench.

         Mabel needed courage so she untied her box and took out her Bible. Opening to Psalms. she read, “As a father pitieth his children so the Lord pitieth them that fear him….The mercy of the Lord is from everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children’s children.”

         The next thing Mabel knew was that she was waking up and the train station was empty and quiet. Looking around she noticed the ticket agent glancing at her and then at the clock. Finally, he called to her, "There are no more arrivals or departures tonight. The station will be closing in five minutes."     

         Mabel jumped to her feet and ran to his window, "I-I-I wasn't waiting for a train —" she hesitated.     

         "You'll have to find a room for the night, Madam," he said. "It's time to lock the station doors.

         "I have no place to go, and no money," she protested.

         "I'm sorry," he said, as if it meant nothing.

         Mabel picked up her box and walked slowly out into the night. 

Taken from "Mable" a book about my mother. Lord willing, it will be published in it in 2014. The picture was taken on Mable's sixteenth birthday.

Tires

In 1971 we were living in La Mission, Baja California. The summer before our oldest son Bob had stayed a few weeks with the Watkins family in Oregon. He had worked in the fields and earned enough money to buy new school clothes. So the following summer, we all went to Oregon to earn money. We crawled around on our knees picking strawberries about a week but earned only a few dollars. Since God was n’t blessing our efforts, we began thinking maybe God had something else in mind for us to be doing during that summer.

Then a phone call came from the church in San Diego asking James t
o come and administer a funeral service. While he was away I felt God was saying, “Go to Monark Spring Camp Meeting." I said nothing to James about it.

The night after he returned, we were discussing God’s will and he said, “I believe we should take the children to Monark, however our tires will never make the trip."

“Maybe God will send money for new tires,” one of the children suggested. “We really want to go.”

“Well let’s pray,” James answered.

Because God had told us both, and we were 1,000 miles apart, our assurance of it being God’s will was strong. We had enough money for gasoline, so we loaded the car and started. I don’t remember how far we went before the first blow out. Seems it was somewhere in Idaho, anyway we were stranded beside the road. The children jump out to freedom and started running down the moderately sloping embanking. In a few minutes one called, “Come look. Here is a tire.' James raced down, and I followed holding Leah’s hand.

Needless to say, the tire was the right size. God always send what is useful.

We went on a few hundred mile and had another blow-out. This time a man in a pick-up stopped to help us. He was from the tire shop in the nearest town and had been called to change a tractor tire.Guess what? He had the company truck. The pick-up bed was half full of tires. He gave us two; just the size we needed and helped James put one on.

On we went; I can’t remember how God supplied the other tire. What I remember is we drove into the Monark Camp ground with four new (different) tires than when we started in Oregon.

The saints were singing. It sounded like heaven to us weary travelers. I got up in the pulpit and testified how God brought us there. Maybe some of you “old timers” can remember that testimony.

During that meeting, God told us to not return to our home in Mexico. He impressed us to keep our children ages, 6 though 16 near the saints for a few years. We did and they all found wonderful spouses among the people of God.

As I reflect on the past, I wonder what great differences would be in our family today had we not followed God's directions and started out that day from Oregon without good tires on our cars?

When James returned to Mexico to bring some of our belongings he discovered that our neighborhood had turned up-side down. Two girls (that Rosi walked to school with) had been raped. Also drinking and drugs were freely accessible. It was a bad place for children. God sent us away just in time.

Fish for Supper

‘’Fish for Supper



It was June 1962; we were living in a tiny house just outside of Rosarito Beach, Baja California, Mexico. We lived so close to the Pacific that fog usually hid the sun until around 10:00 or 11:00 each morning. Today was different, I had been up for a while and the sun was bright and warm so I called to the sleeping children, “Get up and we’ll go to the beach.”

Bobby yawned and opened one eye. “We going to the beach?” he asked.

Mary stretched her long arms over her head and swung her big feet out on to the rough wood floor. “Great idea!” she said.

“Yea, let’s go,” Mary’s brother, Rudy answered. “Maybe we can catch a fish. I’d like fish for supper.”

“Okay, as soon as we eat breakfast and get our work done,” I answered.

Besides our four small children, three other teenagers were staying with us. Shirley Stice had been helping missionaries, Edith Cole and Ruby Marken on the Pai Pai Indian Reservation. They had gone out for the summer so Shirley had come to stay with us. Since school was out in California, Mary Ellen and her brother Rudy had also come to stay a month with us. This made nine in our family.

Mary had lived with us and helped care for our children when we lived in Orland, California. She felt right at home getting the children ready. She filled two baby bottles of milk, for Rosi, one for mid morning and one to carry to the beach. Then she served cereal of oats to Rosi, Tim and herself. Tim loved oats, with milk or without, but the instant he had satisfied his hunger, the bowl with the remaining oats, went on his head for a hat. Any oats left in the bowl stuck on his hair or dripped down his face onto his clothes. Mary knew Tim’s tricks, so she kept an eye on him while she fed Rosi.

Rudy and Bobby rolled up the sleeping rolls, and went outside to fill the two laundry tubs with water from the water barrel. We washed clothes every day. Washing was a back-breaking job and if we didn’t wash everyday it was almost impossible to get them all clean again. Besides that, we had only one clothesline on which to dry the wet clothes.

Shirley helped Tricia pick up toys and clothes and then she swept.

James had already gone to help Tomas Mendoza build himself a shack at the tomato ranch where Tomas worked. Tomas had committed his life to Christ at the Baptist church in town a few weeks before we moved to Rosarito. However, since meeting James the two were knit together like the Bible characters David and Jonathan. They saw each other almost every day.

When the tubs were filled, the girls went out to wash and Ruby and Bobby sat down to eat. “I don’t want oats,” Bobby whined. “We have oats every day.

“How about some fried potatoes,”

“No, we have then every day too.”

“Sorry that is all we have.”

“I’m so tired of oats, potatoes and split beans. Can’t we have something else?”

‘We‘ll have fish for supper,” Ruby said cheerfully.

“Then let’s go and catch the biggest fish in the world. Can Rudy and I go ahead?

“We better stay together. Come help the girls with the washing.”

When we finished washing, rinsing and hanging the clothes on the line, we started for the beach. Bobby and Rudy, with Tim on his shoulders lead the way. Mary carried Rosi, I held Tricia by the hand because she was afraid there were bugs or snakes in the grass. However, whenever she saw a pretty flower, she forgot about snakes and bugs and ran to pick the flower.

Blue water stretched out before us as far as we could see. I closed my eyes and listened to the sea-gulls calling, while I inhaled the fresh ocean breeze. “Oh, God,” I said in my heart, “You created this. You can do anything. Increase my faith.” I kicked off my shoes, and wiggled my toes down in the warm sand. It felt so-o-o good. The children and teenagers had already shed their shoes and were racing to the water. “Watch Tim,” I called, when I saw him toddling behind them toward the water’s edge, “The waves will knock him down.”

Mary raced for Tim. Holding Rosi in one arm, she grabbed him by the other just as a wave toppled him. He screamed. She carried him back to me. I cuddled his cold trembling body. “I no like.” he said. “It mean. It mean.” (It was several years before Tim would again wade in the ocean.)

I spread out the blanket I had brought and Mary sat Rosi on it, and ran to hunt for shells with Shirley and Tricia. Tim was soon building roads in the sand and driving shell cars over them. It was about time for Rosi’s nap so she was soon a sleep. I pulled her on her blanket under a bush to shade her from the sun.

Everyone was busy so I took the time to talk to God. “God, you know I am embarrassed to serve split beans, potatoes and oats to my guests every day. It has been a long time since we’ve had a salad, that would be such a treat. You created everything in this world, how about creating some better food for us. I don’t want these young folks to believe this is the way you always treat your workers. Aren’t we worth more than this? My children want a gallon of cold milk delivered to their home each day as it was when we lived in Orland. And I would like some fruit for them.” When I had finish complaining, I waited for an answer. God never spoke.. However, I soon felt a sting of reprove and repented of my complaints. Afterwards a warm pleasant feeling come over me and I began singing.




“Could we with ink the ocean fill?
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill
And every man a scribe by trade

To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Oh, love of God how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong
It shall forever more endure
The saints and angels song.”

I sang it over again, and again, and again. I wrote in big letters in the sand, “God is Love.” I felt God’s big arms around me. “I’m sorry God for doubting your love. I know you have a plan that I don’t see,” I said as I wrote.

I watched the children build homes, ranches and castles in the sand. “These will be destroyed by the rising tide,” I thought, “So it is with the homes, enterprises, bank accounts and any other thing we have upon this earth, it will all be destroyed before long by fire, as God told us in His Word. “The earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.” (II Peter 3:10)

After a while, Mary, Shirley and Tricia came bringing their arm full of shells. We talked about the different animal that God had made to live inside the shells. We talked about the vastness of the ocean, about the expansion of blue sky overhead. It was all so awesome, and then Mary began singing “When I look down from lofty mountains grander, and see the brook and feel the gentle breeze. Then sing my soul, ‘How great Thou art, how great thou art.” I joined her. Then Ruby and Bobby, tired of playing in the water came too, and we all sang what we could remember.

“I wish I had a fishing pole, I could catch a fish for supper,” Rudy said.

“Me, too,” said Bob. “We all want a fish.”

“Let’s dig clams,” I suggested. We did but we had only our hands to dig with and clams are deep, so all we dug up were sand diggers.

I supposed that the children were getting hungry by now, so suggested we go home to eat. The children quickly vetoed my suggestion and continued playing for several more hours until the sun was getting close to the horizon.

“We had better start for home” I called.”You are wet and will get very cold as soon as the sun is down.” As I was gathering up the few things we had brought, a car drove up. I had often wondered what I would do in self-defense with all my little children. I would not run and leave them unprotected, but today there were plenty of us we could protect each other. Besides the car was quite a distance from us. I wasn’t wearied until I saw two men walking toward me. As they came nearer, I saw they were carrying a fish. The boys saw it too and came running to tell me.

“There is our fish,” they said.

“Sell fish to you,” the man said when he neared us. “No sell today. Day very late must sell. For you just two dollars.”

“I would love to have the fish but I don’t have two dollars to pay for it,” I answered. The man acted as if he thought I was lying to him. He became angry; said words in Spanish that I didn’t understand and started walking away. My heart beat fast. Thoughts flashed through my mind. “Lord, please don’t disappoint us, here is a good time for you to show your love that’s more than the water in this ocean. We sure want that fish.” As suddenly as he had turned away, he turned around walked back and said, “I’ll give fish for money you have in pocket.”

We were all standing together by this time and were looking wishfully at the big fish. I held out my hand and said, “The man says he’ll trade the fish for the money we have. Let’s see how much we can raise. We all dug in our pockets. All together, they had seventeen cents.

The man became angrier. This time my heart skipped a beat. I thought for sure he was going away with his fish. Then God softened his heart and he said, “I take money. You take big fish.” He placed the fish carefully in my two out stretched hands and gave a little bow as if giving me a gift. Truly, it was a gift, for seventeen cents would not have paid for it fins, if he were selling them.

We held the fish beside six-year old, Bobby. It was the length that he was tall. We took turns carrying it home..

We cut it in pieces, gave portions to our neighbors. After we had eaten all we wanted, we rubbed salt into the remaining fish to preserve it and therefore ate fish the following day.

That night many families thanked God that they had, “Fish for Supper”!

--Charlotte Huskey

I Love You Jesus

Sunday morning, September 1, 2013

I sat on my front porch gazing up at the awesome blue of space. You know the space that goes on for eon of miles.

 Some say that Jesus lives far away beyond the blue space.  “But, Jesus, I know you are not far away for You live in my heart.” I said. The thought was overwhelming. How could it be that the creator of the universe could abide in me, just a weak worm of the dust?   My eyes filled with tears, I breathed out, “I love you, Jesus.”  Then my mind went leapfrogging from scene to scene of experiences we had together.  “I have loved you since I was five years old,” I whispered. “I loved you before you came to live in my heart.”

I don’t remember much of my early childhood.  However, I do remember that Jesus became real to me just before my sixth birthday.

In April of that year, I had polio (poliomyelitis) and it left me crippled. Two bouts with pneumonia that winter had weakened my immune system. Therefore, when an epidemic of polio broke out in Oklahoma City, I became a victim.  After the fever and suffering ended, I wanted to get up and play. Mamma helped me out of bed, but I could not stand. Later I realized that I could not crawl. I could only roll to get where I wanted to go. Mamma would carry me out on the porch so I could watch other children playing.

My biggest disappointment was thinking, I would not be able to attend school. I had wanted to go to school since my sister Bob started two years ago. During the days as I lay on a quilt and watched other children playing, I hoped to play again someday. That September day in 1941 when I walked to school, and ran with the other children during recess, I knew Jesus was real. He had healed me.

 He came into my heart two years later when. I was eight years old. We lived in a two-story house and my bedroom was on the second floor. I crawled out of bed and went downstairs to my mother’s bed.

In the darkness, I stood beside my sleeping parents. Those parents I loved beyond measure. I hated to awake them, because they were tired from working to care for my three siblings and me. Now they were resting. I hesitated and almost turned to leave, when my mother sensing my presence spoke, “What you want, Dink?”

Trembling, I said, “I wanta be saved?”

Mamma prayed with me and Jesus came into my heart that night. Oh, the lightness and happiness I felt as I returned to my bed!

That was 70 years ago. I thought at the time that I couldn’t love Jesus more, but my love for Him has grown with every experience until now my love is too deep to express. How desperately I wish I could help others understand the depth of my love. However, I cannot, for there are no words to express it. 

The only way to understand  my relationship with Jesus is to experience it.

“Thank you Jesus, for loving me all these years.”

Too Much Food and Time

Meditation 9/8/2013

Have you heard the Bible story about two cities, Sodom and Gomorrah? It is found in Genesis 13. It says, “the men of Sodom were wicked and sinners before the Lord.” Eventually like an erupting volcano, hot brimstone fell from the sky burying both cities.

Did you ever wonder what was happening in these cities before they became so wicked? In another place, the Bible tells us: “…this was the iniquity of … Sodom, pride, fullness of bread, and abundance of idleness ...neither did she strengthen the poor and needy. And they were haughty, and committed abomination before me: therefore I took them away as I saw good.” Ezek. 16:49 & 50 A wise proverb of King Solomon is, “Pride comes before a fall and a haughty spirit before destruction.” Pride, plenty of food and idle time was what caused the inhabitants of Sodom to fall into wickedness. If they had changed some things in their lives, perhaps they might have avoided the catastrophe.

Are we allowing our children to follow a path toward wickedness when we keep them full of food and give them time to be idol? An old wise saying is, “An idol mind is the devils workshop.” Shouldn’t all children have responsibilities equal to their ability? Even small children can be responsible for keeping themselves and their room clean, doing school homework and helping with family chores. Other responsibilities should be added as they grow. By the time, they are young adults they should be working and paying for some of their clothes, their car, insurance, gas and repairs unless they are devoted to studying. When parents supply their needs, they have more time to experiment with sin. Parents are in essence giving their children “fullness of bread and abundance of idleness” the very things that caused Sodom to decline. A busy child will be tired at night. He will sleep instead of staying awake doing things that are not constructive.

Another sin of Sodom was that they did not “strengthen the poor and needy.” While we are living a standard better than that of kings in former ages, the poor barely exist in there miserable conditions. What are we doing to strengthen the poor? Do we even share our abundance with them? Much of our abundance is thrown in the trash, half an apple, vegetables we don’t like, leftover food, that could be saved for another meal, etc.? What kind of example are we showing the next generation?

Are we using money for unnecessary comforts for our children and those children becoming selfish or experimenting with destructive things of the world, too much entertainment, popularity, drugs, alcohol, gambling, pornography etc.? Sometimes the sacrifices parents make for children are propelling then toward tragedy. Perhaps they would benefit more by seeing their parents helping others and the gospel.

Let us not allow our children to grow up in the sins of Sodom for they may take up the practices of those cities as well.  We can take our sons and daughters into the icy waters of self-denial, and give of our money to help others and by so doing save our sons and daughters. On the other hand, we can huddle in our comforts with them and await the outcome. God help us to save ourselves, and our families from “pride, fullness of bread, abundance of idleness and ignoring the poor.”

The Family Structure

The Family Structure
…Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. 
Geneses 18:18 & 19.

The family structure is very important because it needs to be strong generation after generation. Each generation is a cycle of dependence on other members of the family. If the structure is faulty, the cycle may break. A broken cycle inflects pain of different degrees on members of the family. We have all seen this in abused or neglected children, rebellious teens, deserted spouses, and neglect of the aged. People of every age and all social and economic levels are affected by emotional problems caused when the family structure is broken. Likewise the family with a good structure will be blessed generation after generation.

The family cycle begins with a baby totally dependent on adults. Those first five or six years are the training years when the behavior patterns and moral conscience of the child are forming. What happens to the child in these years has a lifelong effect. It is the parents’ most opportune time for training that will produce good results in later years. (Training is educating in behavior patterns using negative and positive stimuli.) As a child moves into middle school age, parents become teachers and coaches for their children. They show the children how to study, how to work, how to make goals for themselves, how to bring their bodies and emotions into control so they can be successful in life. Show them how and encourage them when they achieve a goal. Later in high school and college years parents continue coaching and become counselors in whom God has invested both wisdom and authority for their family. If the parent child relationship is a good one, this will be a precious time for both child and parent. Then comes the child’s adult years when parent and child are friends. This long period of time is when the parents reap rewards of his parenting years. Later when the parent becomes aged, the roles switch. Adult children become the adviser and authority over the parent. That completes the beautiful cycle that God ordained for families.

When your children are old enough to choose their friends will you have given then reason to choose you? Have you proved that you are trustworthy by being truthful to them? Or in their forming years did you tell them little white lies to get them to do what you wanted them to do? Have you often weakened in confrontations when you should have calmly stood for the correct? Have you respected them as a valuable person and kept a good relationship? Do your teen-agers consider you a part of their desirable relationships? If they do, it is because your family has learned to depend on each other. It is God’s desire that families be interdependent just as His church is interdependent (many members but all working together as members of a body. I Cor. 12:12-27)

Two predominant structures for families are interdependent and independent. To illustrate the interdependent family image a family standing in a circle holding hands and facing each other. They connect through touch and can easily communicate as each one can see the other. The members of an interdependent family find their identity and social, emotional and spiritual fulfillment together. The interdependent family is likely to stay in close contact after the children are adults and have families of their own.

The family with the independent structures is likely to slowly disintegrate when the children are older and begin choosing their friends. To illustrate an independent family structure image a group of people standing in a circle with their backs to each other and not holding hands. Communication is difficult without either hand or eye contact. Each one in this group is looking outward to his interests. The members of this family think and do for themselves without much consideration of other family members. Their social and emotional needs are met outside the family. A family with an independent structure often becomes a “dysfunctional family.” Divorce, child abuse, child neglect, drug or alcohol abuse, and sorrows of all sorts are the results. Some families fall into such deprave conditions as is described in Joel 3:3. “They… have given a boy for a harlot, and sold a girl for wine that they might drink.”  Other independently structured families serve well in society; however, their hearts are void of the rich blessings that God intended for a family to enjoy. Often these persons suffer depression, loneliness, and other emotional disorders that may lead to needing professional psychiatric help. A biblical proverb states that, “A brother offended is harder to win than a city.” Have we not seen this to be true? When brothers become angry at each other, it is extremely difficult that they be reconciled.

It is not hard to identify an independent adolescent, which is finding his or her social and emotional satisfaction outside the family. To get friends’ approval, he or she will conform in hairstyle, clothes, music, entertainment, speech and much more. They are becoming a part of another family (a family of peers). He has found a relationship, which he did not find in his family because the members of the family were working independently. He can find a certain amount of social and emotional satisfaction with his friends, however to find spiritual satisfaction he must come again under parental authority.

Is there hope for a family who is becoming fragmented to regain relationship with each other? In Joel 2:12-13, there is a promise. It says, “Turn ye even to me with all your heart, and with fasting, and with weeping… turn unto …God for he is gracious and merciful, slow to anger and of great kindness…” In verse 25, it also says “I will restore to you the years that the locust hath eaten, the canker worm, and the caterpillar, and the palmer worm…: and my people shall never be ashamed.”  Zechariah gives another promise. He says, “Turn ye unto me, saith the Lord … and I will turn unto you.” 

Parents who are willing to admit they have made mistakes have already taken a big step toward a better family. Repent and ask Christ to help you to know how to train yourself and your children to depend on each other. Then gather your family and explain the mistakes you have made in the past and ask their forgiveness. Be careful not to focus on your children’s mistakes. Remember you are rebuilding relationships. You take the blame for the state your family is in. As an example: If you have been lacks on making obedience obligatory explain what God’s Word says. If it is respect, explain that. Then explain the course of action that you believe God wants you to take. Kindly answer any questions they may have, and pray together as a family.

To be successful in reconstructing a family, you must be determined; for an interdependent family structure is very opposite of the way the world believes a family should be. It is also contrary of human nature. Every person is born with a desire to be independent. Every child needs consistent supervision of a mother to become skilled in living interdependently with other members of a family. You may have to make some difficult changes like, the wife staying at home. You’ll need to put family above financial advancement. Some Biblical instructions are found in Titus 2:3-7. “The aged women…teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, to be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of god be not blasphemed. Young men likewise exhort to be sober minded, in all things showing thyself a pattern of good words: in doctrine showing in-corruptness  gravity, sincerity, sound speech, that cannot be condemned…” 

Older children will watch to see if the attitude and the relationship between their parents has changed. They will want to see humility, genuine love, repentant attitudes, a striving to do better. Teenagers can sense hypocrisy in parents and usually do not want to identify with a hypocrite; however, they will often forgive and try to conform if the parents are sincere. Make good the chance you have to restore your family for you may not get another. Children grow up rapidly. If we as parents will seek God to give us a heart that will fear him and give us courage to obey all his commandments always, it will make a difference in our families. We can then have faith that God will bless our children and it will be well with them. Deuteronomy 5:29.

An old fable about a dying father with a bundle of sticks sums up these thoughts. He called his sons and asked each in turn to try to break the sticks while bound together in  the bundle. None could. Then he untied and separated the sticks and asked then again to break the sticks. Quickly the sticks were broken.  Then the father said, “My sons, if you are of one mind, and unite to assist each other, you will be as this bundle, uninjured by all the attempts of your enemies. But, if you are divided among yourselves you will be broken easily as these sticks.”

I thank God that we can have the blessing of God upon our descendants as Abraham had on his;  for we are children of Abraham and heirs of the kingdom of God. Galatians 3:7 reads like this: “Know ye therefore that they which are of faith, the same are the children of Abraham.” 

…Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him? For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment; that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him. 
 
I Am The Child
I am the child.
All the world waits for my coming.
And the earth watches with interest
To see what I shall become.
Civilization hangs in the balance,
For what I am
The world of tomorrow will be.

I am the child.
I have come into your world,
About which I knew nothing.
Why I come, I know not.
How I came, I know not.
I am curious: I am interested.

I am the child.
You hold in your hand my destiny,
You determine, largely,
Whether I shall succeed or fail.
Give me, I pray you, those things
That makes for happiness.
Train me, I beg you, that I may be
A blessing to the world.