A Mother’s Watchful Eyes

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself will bring his mother to shame.”
Proverbs 29:15.

y mother’s watchful eye kept me safe in my childhood, when I was playing hide-in-seek with neighbor children. I dashed Minto an abandon “out house” to hide; before I got the door closed a teenage boy jumped in beside me and locked the door. He proceeded quickly to get me to undress. I refused. He wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. Right when I felt most helpless my brother Jim banged on the door and shouted loudly “Open-up.” My mother watching from our house a good distance away had seen what happened. She called my brother from his hiding place to come and rescue me. A similar incident happened when I was either ten or eleven years old. Again, those watchful eyes saved me, from permanent physical and emotional damage.

How grateful I am for those watchful eyes. These experiences along with many others built faith and trust into my life. I knew someone loved me enough to be watching me. I learned I could trust that person. I knew I was special to them. That helped me to feel secure, to feel loved.

As we grew older and were away from home, my mother often reminded us that she could not always know what we were doing, but God’s eyes were watching and we’d have to suffer the penalty for misbehavior. It was easy for me to believe that God was watching. I grew up thinking my mother had eyes in the back of her head as well as in the front. It seemed she always knew what I was doing. No matter how secretly I acted, I got caught. It was natural for me to believe I would reap the consequences of my behavior (both good and bad). Under my mother’s watchful eyes, I had been experiencing it for as long as I could remember.

This careful watching also caused me to be cautious about my behavior. “You can’t do wrong and get by no matter how hard you may try. Nothing hidden can be everything He does see. You can’t do wrong and get by.” The words of this song rang true in my heart. Why did I feel the truth in that song? Mother’s eyes had often caught me when I misbehaved.

What a difference in other children’s lives. Many do not believe that anyone knows what they do. They seldom have had to “face-up” to wrongs they have committed, so they also have little fear of the consequences. I often ponder the void that must be in the hearts of children whose mother’s do not watch them carefully or who are not with them during their waking hours.

Some mothers who are with their children seem not to observe what the children are doing. Others ignore their children’s actions so they will not have to deal with them. I will confess, it is easier, at the moment, to ignore unacceptable behavior. I’ll admit to having yielded to such temptations, and have reaped the result of this lethargy. Reaping is embarrassing and often painful.

Is it easy for a mother to keep an eye on a family of children? No, a thousand times no. However, if mothers could look down the road into their children’s lives and see the pain they could save themselves and their children by watching over and training them in their formative years perhaps it would help.

Was it easy for my mother to keep an eye on me? Certainly not! I was a hyperactive child, full of energy, running here and there from early morning until night. They tell me that as soon as I could walk, I was climbing. One day Mother heard me calling, “Lookey at me horsey.” She went outside, and found me straddling the smoke house roof. It’s still a puzzle how I got on that roof.

Some old wise sayings helped me through those years when I struggled to be diligent about keeping a watchful eye on my children. One was, “Nip it in the bud.” The bud is just a little knot on a branch. However, it has the ability to become an enormous branch from which sprout many limbs. Buds show there is potential power, power to bring forth flowers, leaves, or branches on a tree. To keep a tree from having low branches we pluck off the buds and no branches will grow in that place. If we pinch off flower buds, no flowers will appear. Children are developing habits as they grow. If we encourage good behavior, good habits will grow like flowers to brighten the child’s life. When the possibility for a bad habit first shows life, a parent should pluck off the bud by not allowing the behavior to continue. That will stop the development of that habit.

Take stealing for example: a stealing habit is preventable if young children are disciplined for stealing from siblings right in the home. Nip any habit, (disrespect, talking back, wastefulness, anger, laziness etc.) in bud form before it grows strong enough to control your child. In years to come you will be thankful, and you won’t find yourself standing in a courtroom wringing your hands as you helplessly watch your child being escorted away to prison. Pr. 16:32 “He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city.”

 “A stitch in time saves nine,” is another old saying that helped me. Mothers mended their family’s clothing back in the olden days, before it was fashionable to wear ragged clothes with unsightly holes. Sewing up a small tear was easy and took only a few minutes. If the rip was left untended, it would soon be large. Repairing it would take nine stitches to one compared to the small tear. Children’s behavior is somewhat the same. Those little acts of stamping feet, arching the back, slapping, taking a siblings toy, or speaking a defiant “no” can be corrected without severe discipline, however if left unattended, a habit will develop that could take much time and effort to break.

Another wise saying is, “As the twig is bent.” This is relating to forming good character in children. A tree will seldom grow straight without protection. In forests, the surrounding trees protect the young ones from strong wind. In fields and yards, men drive stakes in the ground and connect the young tree (the twig) to these stakes so the young twig will grow straight. Since good character cannot be developed by being tied to a straight stake. The parents’ constant vigilance (watchful eyes) is needed to protect the child from evil influences that could develop into a depraved character.

Mother and fathers must also perceive that evil influences come from within as well as from without. Every child is born with a self-preservation personality. The more this personality develops, the more self-willed the child will become.  Selfishness causes problems of many sorts, two are unhappiness, and rejection by others.  A parent can help their child enormously by teaching them how to deal with these inter desires.

In years gone by, children and young adults arose and offered their seats to elderly persons, gentlemen and boys gave their sitting places to females. Today selfish children will ask an adult for their chair. Teaching a child to offer their seat to another person is one simple way to help develop a respectful, unselfish character, neither does it damage the child by giving him the feeling that he is not as important as the other person. Instead, it will cause the child to feel better about himself. (The praise and admiration he will receive from others serves to develop a better self-image.)  Teaching respect for others, is teaching principles of God. “Before honor comes humility.” “Do unto others as you would that they do unto you.” “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”

At what age should we start nipping the bud of unacceptable behavior? While the baby is still in your arms is the best time. When he or she arches his back in rebellion; that is the time to begin correcting this developing habit of “having things my way.”  When the baby in your arms screams at you when he doesn’t get what he wants, that is not the time to guess what he wants and try something until you satisfy him. It is your opportunity to “nip in the bud” a habit that could destroy your child’s character. You must be careful to use these opportunities. If you don’t correct this habit, some day his or her blood curdling screams will be heard across the super market. That will be embarrassing. On the other hand, it could be disasters when he or she is making important decisions for life and your advice is not accepted. Parents should realize that what seems like “innocent” habits can develop into monsters. When this happens, the child cannot be the person he or she wants to become, because some habit was allowed to grow until it is controlling him.

Bad controlling habits remind me of the Kuszu vine that was introduced into the U.S. around 1875. In cold northern climates, it can be contained in favorable growing conditions. However, in the warm Deep South it has covered 7 million acres of land, killing many trees, covering, abandon vehicles, buildings and whatever is in its path. I believe that over 7 million young people are suffering (many in prison) because no one kept a watchful eye on them when they were in their formative years; and therefore they developed self-destructive habits.

We thank God for mothers who will sacrifice their personal goals to attend to the children God has put in their care, also for fathers who support these mothers and provide life’s necessities so that mothers can be with their children. Remember: “The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings his mother to shame.”Proverbs 29:15.